Eye on Oracle

Dec 27 2012   4:13PM GMT

What Larry Ellison wants in 2013

Lena Weiner Lena Weiner Profile: Lena Weiner

Once again, Hanukkah and Christmas have come and gone, and with them, much of the 2012 gift-giving season, although it should be noted that Kwanzaa began yesterday and won’t be over until January 1, and some folks still enjoy the now-obscure tradition of giving gifts on New Year’s.

I’ve always wondered what the holidays are like in the households of the super-rich. In my family, Chrismukkuh has always been a holiday where people gave you stuff you needed but couldn’t afford to buy for yourself; in my husband’s family, the holiday season is a time to give people nice things they’ve always wanted but either haven’t got around to buying yet or would just never buy for themselves. What do you buy for a member of the 1% who already has everything? What are the holidays like in the Ellison household? What do you buy a guy who even owns his own island? As a wise man once said, the rich are different, and nowhere is that more obvious than in upscale gift giving catalogues. Who the heck would buy a $100,000 hen house for their yard? I guess when giving something to a guy or gal who’s got everything, you just have to give them something so outrageous that even they would balk at buying it for themselves.

Here are a few late-ish gift ideas for anyone who wanted to get Larry Ellison something but wasn’t sure what:

1-    Golden shoelaces—because, why not?
2-    A hidden water pool—just using the thing would make anyone feel like a Bond villain!
3-    While I’m sure he’s been there, I’d be willing to bet Larry wouldn’t turn his nose up at dinner for two at Per Se in New York

Sadly, when it comes to gift-giving, we’re limited by what we can buy, and I only partly mean that in terms of financial limitations. Here are a few things that Larry would much appreciate that his money just can’t buy:

1-    For a government that is pro-business and likes foreign investment to gain control of Egypt’s economy, where Oracle recently invested, as well as in other developing markets
2-    For the REAL-ID act, which Ellison has long been a huge supporter of, to begin being enforced—and to have Oracle software used in the new national identification database
3-    For nice weather in Lanai in 2013, preferably with minimal seismic activity
4-    Minimal “oops” moments for Oracle in 2013, for Oracle to win all of their court cases, and as few faux pas as possible (except when Larry intentionally makes a “faux pas” though, of course!)

And, if all of the above fails, just get the guy a liger. Everyone loves a liger!

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  • Michael Tidmarsh
    Along with Larry most likely wanting Steve Jobs high-tech boat (wishful thinking), I think he really wants Oracle's hardware revenue to start going back up!
    65,670 pointsBadges:

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