Data Center Apparatus

Mar 21 2012   9:01AM GMT

Hack the memeframe, er, mainframe

Tom Walat Tom Walat Profile: Tom Walat

 The shrinking number of workers who can program and administer a mainframe, sometimes referred to as the “red-haired stepchild of IT,” are members of an exclusive club with a language and sense of humor all their own.

 We’ve compiled a few of our favorite mainframe-related jokes and catchphrases from the Internet. Be forewarned that some are groaners, but if you’re a mainframer — or even if you’re not — you might just chuckle.

 Old mainframers never die. They just take a dump and re-ipl.

 Elvis and Jesus are editing their programs on TSO when the system crashes. Who lost his files?
Elvis, because Jesus saves.

 It might be a mainframe:

·         If you can fit a bed and mini fridge inside.

·         If the power supply is bigger than your car.

·         If the only “mouse” it has is the one living inside it.

·         If you need earth-moving equipment to relocate it.

 You might be a mainframer:

·         If the phrase “green card” doesn’t make you think of immigration.

·         If you think all computers belong on a raised floor.

·         If your definition of “bursting” has nothing to do with too much turkey on Thanksgiving.

 A systems programmer is at lunch with some data processing auditors. The waitress asks the sysprog what he wants to order. “Pork chops,” he says. “What about the vegetables?” she asks. The sysprog says, “Oh, they can order for themselves.”

 Now it’s your turn. Mainframers who want to ride the crest of the latest meme wave, send us your jokes and other, er, “sh*t mainframers say” by adding them via the comments button on this post.

 Send longer anecdotes or links to videos relating to mainframes and the folks who love them to site editor Tom Walat at so we can compile and share them with the masses.

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