Eye on Oracle

Sep 26 2007   11:24AM GMT

If I were Larry…

Derek Kuhr Derek Kuhr Profile: Derek Kuhr

Oracle chairman and CEO Larry Ellison is beyond wealthy. According to the recently released Forbes 400 list, Ellison is the fourth richest man in America with an estimated net worth of $26 billion.

That’s a lot of cabbage. And it makes me wonder just what I’d do if I had that kind of dough.

Sure, I could buy up a whole bunch of property, open a restaurant, contribute to various charities or sponsor an America’s Cup team just like Larry, but who needs all that when there’s truly important work to be done. If it were me, I’d get a little bit more constructive with the funds. 

And so, without further ado, here’s a list of the top five things I’d do if I somehow became as rich as Larry:

1. Organize a campaign to get William Shatner elected to the U.S. presidency. (The time for change is now.)
2. Fund a consortium of scientists whose sole purpose is to get tasty whipped cream fillings injected into more foods.
3. Educate the world on why the Monkees are way better than the Beatles. (I don’t remember the Beatles ever having a wacky sitcom.)
4. Three words: Police Academy 8.
5. Build a time machine out of a DeLorean.

Well, that’s where I stand. How about you? What would you do if you had Larry Ellison’s bank account? Your choices may not be as high-brow and socially uplifting as mine, but you’ll think of something.

5  Comments on this Post

 
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  • Derek Kuhr
    Here's what I'd do: 1) Buy an island and rig it with an adjustable elevation mechanism to adjust for rising ocean levels due to global warming. 2) Kidnap Arnie (Schwarzenegger) and Al (Gore) and force them to work as croupiers in hotel casino at #1 above. 3) Kidnap Britney, Lindsay and Paris and force them to work room service in hotel at #1 above. 4) Trash my yatch like Thomas Crown did in the movie and buy an even larger yatch. Just because I can. 5) Build a space hotel and hold Oracle World conferences up there. If this is not possible just stage it and generate another conspiracy theory. 6) Challenge Bill Gates to a caged, barb-wire enclosed, to the death Pay-Per-View wrestling match. Loser's minions become winner's servants. Loser's company shares used to fund free Oracle 11g licensing program. 7) Develop vehicle that runs on discarded Oracle training manuals.
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  • Derek Kuhr
    Pathetic!
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  • Derek Kuhr
    MC -- I seem to remember reading about a Japanese company that was planning to build a space hotel, so your #5 may not be too far off. And DJ, come on man, just having a little fun.
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  • Derek Kuhr
    Doesn't anyone want to pursue Whirled Peas?
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  • Derek Kuhr
    the beatles had a wacky cartoon... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLy5tNBXA4U
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