If I were Larry…

Oracle chairman and CEO Larry Ellison is beyond wealthy. According to the recently released Forbes 400 list, Ellison is the fourth richest man in America with an estimated net worth of $26 billion.

That’s a lot of cabbage. And it makes me wonder just what I’d do if I had that kind of dough.

Sure, I could buy up a whole bunch of property, open a restaurant, contribute to various charities or sponsor an America’s Cup team just like Larry, but who needs all that when there’s truly important work to be done. If it were me, I’d get a little bit more constructive with the funds. 

And so, without further ado, here’s a list of the top five things I’d do if I somehow became as rich as Larry:

1. Organize a campaign to get William Shatner elected to the U.S. presidency. (The time for change is now.)
2. Fund a consortium of scientists whose sole purpose is to get tasty whipped cream fillings injected into more foods.
3. Educate the world on why the Monkees are way better than the Beatles. (I don’t remember the Beatles ever having a wacky sitcom.)
4. Three words: Police Academy 8.
5. Build a time machine out of a DeLorean.

Well, that’s where I stand. How about you? What would you do if you had Larry Ellison’s bank account? Your choices may not be as high-brow and socially uplifting as mine, but you’ll think of something.